this statement is point #2 of a 10 point manifesto for joyful parenting.
wow.
this is a statement that i live out, and am centered around.
this is a statement that i, myself, were i writing a 10 point manifesto for joyful parenting/living for Christ/existing in general, would have included on the top of my list.
this is a statement that bears my soul and echoes a life that i chose to lead, was born to lead.
so why do i sometimes allow myself to be swallowed up and to forget?
forget something so ingrained, so deeply moving and alive inside of my very soul?
this year has brought about SO many changes (mostly good changes mind you) but changes all the same, for our family.
i know i have listed them before, but isn't talking things through acclaimed to be cathartic?????
so here they are:
1. moving out of a community where for 4+ years we were given, created and built and were blessed by a true and living family of individuals that God placed in our lives so very graciously, for beauty and for eternity.
2. moving into a town where, save for blood-relation, i had no connection to, was completely unknown to my children and i.
3. living w/my WONDERFUL (truly they are wonderful, we are a [lovely] family of 5!) parents for 5 weeks.
4. moving into a new and wonderful home of our own. (stress isn't always negative stress!)
5. starting new schools.
6. starting new jobs.
7. repeatedly finding new jobs.
8. constantly seeking to find our place in this foreign place.
9. starting a new ministry.
10. experiencing over and over the feeling that this is not home.
#10 has been a constant reminder that, correct, this is NOT our home.
none of this is.
our home is no where on this earth.
it is with our God. our Lord.
in a place He is preparing for us right now even.
and like i tell my little ones when they so often, so wondrously ask, heaven exists in our hearts, but one day Jesus will come and take us Home, to our real home.
to where Heaven will be a place that we will all live together, in His presence, and in His presence alone.
all of these changes have brought about battles.
one after another;
battles of fear, battles of loneliness,
of anger, of joy, excitement,
confusion, questions, all.
but the original reason for writing this post (that has turned into a bit of my heart pouring out, whichi am sure was necessary), was to bring to light a beautiful statement that resonates the desires and truths of my being.
Today, I will transfigure all things into beauty, and I will refuse to see anything else.
throughout all of these changes [and more, i am sure, that i have left out], while i have been able to, after we all adjusted and brought forth and faced our emotions about all of it together as a strong and beautifully held together family, and despite a few minor melt downs on ALL of our parts,
parent my children in the ways that i always have--
something has been slightly different.
not a difference that often made it's way to the surface,
but something deep,
deep inside of me.
a hole.
a scarred [and probably scared] and aching hole.
after countless conversations w/A2.
and with precious, precious irreplaceable friends,
and crying out to God to just show me WHAT is this hole,
i have come to be shown that it is just that,
a hole.
a hole that BEGS to be filled not only with the scriptures, not only with prayer, not only with the love and friendship of my husband,
not only with a wonderful and blessed home where happiness and laughter fill the walls daily,
but with TRUE JOY,
true joy that i have been robbed of and unable to find deep within me.
and that joy is not something that is found in those things,
or people,
or places.
it is a joy that is given by a gracious God.
a joy that is there when it is chosen to be had.
a joy that is there when it is chosen to be had.
why do we forget to CHOOSE?
that inner joy, that beauty that is truly found in everything.
that joy, as i have typed and re-typed today,
is a joy that makes me, me.
let us not forget to choose.
let us not rob ourselves of experiencing life the way it was made to be experienced.
as women, we long to be told we are beautiful,
as our Creator, God longs for us to just LOOK at His creation,
to find joy in what He presents to us EVERY MOMENT OF OUR DAYS AND NIGHTS.
it is there.
let us not forget to choose it.
happiness is lovely, but true joy is deeper.
and it is free.
thank you Jesus,
and thank you loved ones,
and thank you to those i do not even know, whose words have been a resounding reminder in a time of ridiculous forgetfulness!
enjoy!
-c. (=
