tonight.....

i found myself wondering tonight:

how many times have i gone through my days, experiences, blessings, joys; with my whole heart thanking and praising our God, though all the while failing to realize that these things are actually answers to my prayers?

how many times have i felt His peace so strongly and warmly, so all-encompassing and fulfilling; and rejoicing, thanked Him over and over again, yet forgetting that prior to this feeling, i had cried out and cried out and called to Him repeatedly?
day in and day out, moment after moment, pleading for His peace.
for His comfort.  relief.

i wonder this because, after 2 things today, and countless others i am very sure.
but 2 things in particular i found myself contemplating while doing dishes [i find myself doing dishes quite often, and quite often my deepest thinking occurs while i am doing them].
i found myself contemplating the peace that accompanies me as i re-soap my washcloth,
the joy that is able to flow from within.
able to flow without and surround and fill me.  
washing bowls and plates and mugs of coffee that just a few hours before were shared with new friends, mentors, Spirit-filled Christ-followers.
recalling conversations and moments and smiles and laughter and much peace.

all the while i am thanking God for this gift of peace, and it struck me.
it stuck me quite speechless there in the late-night presence of our porcelain kitchen sink.

This was an answered prayer.
and answer to relentless prayers prayed over and over again over the past month [or more].
so often they have near-become my mind's mantra.

but these things,
these people,
these events of this blessed Monday,
have been answers to the desperate pleas sent to my Father, my Creator, my God.  my Lord.
my Jesus, Messiah, King.  Good Shepard.
Holy One.
Lamb.

He is so very Good.

i have been trying [not always successfully, for i am a mama who hasn't yet mastered the art of waking up earlier than everyone else]
to read psalms and proverbs to A, 'B, and L every morning during our breakfast time.

reading David's laments and praises.
his pleas and cries and heart pouring out to the same God, same Father, same Adonai.
Lord.
and He listens.
David knows He listens.

our Great God listens.
and He not only knows our hearts and our needs and wants to bless us with what He knows we need and has placed in us to desire,
but
He hears our cries as well.

and i feel there is something beautiful and powerful
and necessary
about recognizing when He not only blesses, but answers our pure, real and unabashed outpourings.

how beautiful.

how is our God answering the cries of your heart on this lovely rainy Monday?
{this post was written previously, in Feb. 2011}

pancakes and couch cushions.....

i was challenged last week by a very dear friend (Erin, of Lemon Tree Creations) to MAKE!!!

ever since our move last june i have been struggling with loss.
it comes and goes mostly, but at times it completely takes over and i am tend to drown in it.

for a while i assumed that the loss i was experiencing was the loss of a place and of the people there.
only recently, though, have i realized that the place itself had not made me whole, and
i still have the people.  very much so do i have them.

so the loss i have been suffering, was something inside of me.

throughout all of this, one of the things E has said to me over and over again is, MAKE!

i LOVE to make, to create, to get messy.
why am i not doing it more?????
surely it is part of what was lost.

of course it is.

after accepting [joyfully and possibly a little unwillingly] said challenge i was faced with the stark realization that it has truly been enough.

the next day,
forcing myself to sweep the floor (therapeutic, right?)
i cried.
and i cried out to God as i so often do.
but something
i begged and i pleaded.
i didn't want to figure this out on my own.
i could not figure this out on my own.
i did not, either, want to search elsewhere for an answer to this wretchedness.
why has He not taken this feeling away from me yet?

this battle raged for nearly all of nap time after which i found myself face down on our living room [still newly painted and LOVING it!] floor,
ready for a new start.
which was granted immediately.
beautifully.  graciously.
THANKfully.  (=

and guess what?  i feel like i am home again!
right here, in our new town!!!!!
really, really and truly.  the difference is palpable.
God is amazing.  life is amazing.
it always is.
He always is.


i am sure you are wondering, 'pancakes and couch cushions'?????

well, this morning, at the prompting of L, i made
'the biggest pancakes he has ever seen'!
and they were sweet for 2 reasons:

1.  the kiddos loved them and one was just enough to save the leftover not-so-gigantic ones for afternoon snack,
and
2.  i did slightly char them enough that I was inclined to eat only one!  (=

as for the cushions,
I MADE 2 COUCH CUSHION COVERS TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i did!  (=

i am in the process of re-covering our couch via the wonderful and ever-so-versatile canvas drop cloths found in the Lowe's paint department.
i do intend to share this story more as it progresses....along with a few other things i 'whipped up' this morning as my lovelies jumped on A2 and i's bed and played sweetly and beautifully together.



enjoy!

-c.  (=

Today...

Today, I will transfigure all things into beauty, and I will refuse to see anything else.

this statement is point #2 of a 10 point manifesto for joyful parenting.  

wow.  

this is a statement that i live out, and am centered around.  

this is a statement that i, myself, were i writing a 10 point manifesto for joyful parenting/living for Christ/existing in general, would have included on the top of my list.  

this is a statement that bears my soul and echoes a life that i chose to lead, was born to lead.  

so why do i sometimes allow myself to be swallowed up and to forget?

forget something so ingrained, so deeply moving and alive inside of my very soul?

this year has brought about SO many changes (mostly good changes mind you) but changes all the same, for our family.  

i know i have listed them before, but isn't talking things through acclaimed to be cathartic?????

so here they are:

1. moving out of a community where for 4+ years we were given, created and built and were blessed by a true and living family of individuals that God placed in our lives so very graciously, for beauty and for eternity.

2. moving into a town where, save for blood-relation, i had no connection to, was completely unknown to my children and i.

3. living w/my WONDERFUL (truly they are wonderful, we are a [lovely] family of 5!) parents for 5 weeks.

4. moving into a new and wonderful home of our own. (stress isn't always negative stress!)

5. starting new schools.

6. starting new jobs.

7. repeatedly finding new jobs.

8. constantly seeking to find our place in this foreign place.

9. starting a new ministry.

10. experiencing over and over the feeling that this is not home. 

#10 has been a constant reminder that, correct, this is NOT our home. 

none of this is.  

our home is no where on this earth.

it is with our God.  our Lord. 

in a place He is preparing for us right now even.  

and like i tell my little ones when they so often, so wondrously ask, heaven exists in our hearts, but one day Jesus will come and take us Home, to our real home.  

to where Heaven will be a place that we will all live together, in His presence, and in His presence alone.  

all of these changes have brought about battles.  

one after another; 

battles of fear, battles of loneliness, 

of anger, of joy, excitement, 

confusion, questions, all.  

  

but the original reason for writing this post (that has turned into a bit of my heart pouring out, whichi am sure was necessary), was to bring to light a beautiful statement that resonates the desires and truths of my being.  

 Today, I will transfigure all things into beauty, and I will refuse to see anything else.

throughout all of these changes [and more, i am sure, that i have left out], while i have been able to, after we all adjusted and brought forth and faced our emotions about all of it together as a strong and beautifully held together family, and despite a few minor melt downs on ALL of our parts,

parent my children in the ways that i always have--  

something has been slightly different.  

not a difference that often made it's way to the surface, 

but something deep,

deep inside of me.  

a hole.  

a scarred [and probably scared] and aching hole.  

after countless conversations w/A2.

and with precious, precious irreplaceable friends, 

and crying out to God to just show me WHAT is this hole, 

i have come to be shown that it is just that, 

a hole.  

a hole that BEGS to be filled not only with the scriptures, not only with prayer, not only with the love and friendship of my husband,

not only with a wonderful and blessed home where happiness and laughter fill the walls daily, 

but with TRUE JOY, 

true joy that i have been robbed of and unable to find deep within me.  

and that joy is not something that is found in those things,

or people,

or places.  

it is a joy that is given by a gracious God.  
a joy that is there when it is chosen to be had.  

why do we forget to CHOOSE?

that inner joy, that beauty that is truly found in everything.   

that joy, as i have typed and re-typed today, 

is a joy that makes me, me.  

let us not forget to choose.  

let us not rob ourselves of experiencing life the way it was made to be experienced.  

as women, we long to be told we are beautiful,

as our Creator, God longs for us to just LOOK at His creation, 

to find joy in what He presents to us EVERY MOMENT OF OUR DAYS AND NIGHTS.  

 [Captivating]

it is there.

let us not forget to choose it.  

happiness is lovely, but true joy is deeper.  

and it is free.  

thank you Jesus, 

and thank you loved ones, 

and thank you to those i do not even know, whose words have been a resounding reminder in a time of ridiculous forgetfulness!

enjoy!

-c.  (=